whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
