I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
