alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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