is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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