we have pet lesbian snakes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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