this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
