hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
