i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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