Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
