Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
