what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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