Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
