He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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