Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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