I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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