dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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