ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
