i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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