I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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