I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
