My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
