there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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