Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You're like the curious george of whores
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
