Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
