I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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