Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
