You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
