i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
