remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
