We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
