i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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