i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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