***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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