I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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