My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
