he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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