the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
