I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize