I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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