It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
PANTIES FOUND
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