dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
