why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
