What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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