fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
