the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
