I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
