So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
false alarm. still invincible.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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