I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
