I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
