ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
