And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
