Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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