He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
