So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
