cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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