I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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