No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
