would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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