I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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