i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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