i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
