R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
