Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
