So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
not ubering you a puppy
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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