new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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