More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just invented taco cereal.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
