my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
