On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize