John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
