New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
