conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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