btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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