I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
